You know that saying, 'Everybody pays for sex, one way or another', well, in my experience, getting published works in the same way...

My quest for the literary Holy Grail began over twenty years ago. Here is an itemised bill of what it’s cost me (so far):

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MA in Creative Writing: £6,000

Let’s start with the most expensive first, shall we? In 2022, my sister repaid a loan I’d given her. It was 5k I wasn’t expecting to ever see again, so I thought, what the hell. I’d been toying with the idea for a few years, but I didn’t relish the thought of another student loan (it had taken 15 years of teaching to pay back the first).

I did my research and decided to enroll with The University Of Hull. Partly because Mick Jackson was one of the tutors. I have since realised that nobody except me has ever heard of him — which is criminal.

To summarise this two year stage of my writing ‘career’ (I cannot bring myself to call it a journey): I met a great bunch of people and formed a crit group; I came to truly detest Office 365; I received some great marks, and some not-so-great ones; I got to work with Mick Jackson — he was my supervisor, and his guidance (on the course and beyond) has been invaluable; I came away with a 1^st, so on paper I’m a true Master of the craft.

But I can’t get so much as an interview for jobs in publishing, and agents don’t give a stuff about qualifications. Mick Jackson? Who’s he? I’m no closer to getting any of my 11 novels published than I was back in 2022.

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Amazon Kindle Direct: £800+

In 2021, after failing to hook an agent with my 6^th novel, I decided to self-publish. It was that ‘unprecedented’ age of Covid, the golden era of influencer culture, and I foolishly thought I might secure a spot on a bookshelf tour with Hayley Pham or someone equally oblivious to my existence. The £800 was for the publication — formatting, editing, and cover design. I was sent a sample of proofs for checking and found a number of typos that the editor missed, and I already had a cover I liked, but Amazon insisted on designing a new one.

I knew Amazon wouldn’t do anything to promote or market my book, but how hard could that be? I built myself a website and set up a Facebook page (yes, Facebook — somehow the BookTok explosion passed me by…). I paid LoveReading to give me a review on their site — with over a million users, that had to be the break I’d been waiting for. I badgered my local library to take a free copy, which took months to be processed and shelved — on the bottom shelf of Local Interest! I made a YouTube video in which I sneakily promoted myself onto the Quick Reads display to the theme tune of Mission Impossible. Not one single view!

After 5 years, sales are barely into double figures. For the last 12 months, I have actually been trying to take it off the market, but I can’t get into my KDP account and Amazon tell me this is the only way to do it. It’s not a bad book as such, but back then I had no one to beta read for me, and as we all know, acting on constructive criticism is where the magic happens, right?

Fiverr: £250+

Before I self-published, I knew I was going to need a website and I wanted to showcase my ‘complete works’. I suppose I was fed up having all these manuscripts locked inside my laptop. So, I made some rough sketches and searched Fiverr for someone who could finesse them. His name is Mikey J (or mj007 to use his Fiverr handle). And he did a pretty good job. I was really pleased with them — they made a nice carousel for my author site. I think I paid £250 (plus tip) for 7 covers. I’d call that value for money, and I would recommend him.

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WIX website and domain name: £400+

I built this and kept it going for 4 years. For a while, during and after Covid, I did some blogging and this was where I posted. I think one post managed over 100 views, but mostly I struggled to get half that. During my MA, I wrote a lot of short stories and posted them there as well. It was satisfying to have all my creative output in one place and if nothing else, I saw it as a kind of back-up system. But that’s what the cloud is for, right? Even a hard drive would do the job at a fraction of the cost. So, it had to go.

Professional mentoring / editing service: £500

For a few years, I was a member of Nottingham Writers’ Studio. One of the services offered with membership is a mentoring programme at a reduced cost. I paid Victoria Villasenor (Global Wordsmiths) to take a look at novel number 7 and tell me honestly if I stood a chance of ever getting an agent. For £250, she read the full manuscript and gave me developmental feedback — as well as helping with my cover letter and synopsis.

A few months ago, I went back for an appraisal of my most recent project (I’m up to number 11 now) and she turned this around in less than a week. It’s over 80k words and I got a detailed assessment. Again, I would highly recommend her.

Agent 1-1’s: £200+

Last year, when I was in the query trenches with book 9, I discovered I Am In Print and signed up for a 1-1 with an agent. You send your cover letter, sample pages, and synopsis ahead of the meeting, and you get 15 minutes with the agent on the day. Around this time, I also signed up for a similar event being run by Waterstones in Nottingham. After actually managing to secure an agent, I ended up gifting both of these slots.

After I got dumped by my agent this year, and before I started querying with book 11, I booked a third slot with Sian Ellis Martin (Blake Friedmann), which I did attend. This threw up some significant issues with my pitch that I was able to address. Shortly afterwards, with my new pitch, I got a partial request from Galiot Press. They did end up passing, but it was one of those rejections you screen shoot and go back to when the rejections and ghosting gets too much.

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Competitions entered: £500 est.

Over the years, who knows the true cost of this? £500 is definitely a modest estimate. Here’s a sample: Bridport, Polari, Cheshire Novel, BBC Short Story, Mslexia, To Hull & Back, PFD, Writers’ Forum, All About Writing, Propelling Pencil, Galley Beggar, Elegant Lit, Writer’s Digest, Jericho Writers, First Chapter, Eyelands, The Letter Review…

I have been 'successful' on three occasions: I was shortlisted in a Nature Writing contest and got to take part in a masterclass with Mark Cocker at Leicester University; I was runner up in an All About Writing flash fiction contest; and I was longlisted and included in an anthology in an Earth 2.0 competition.

Indie books purchased: £200 est.

Again, this is probably a modest estimate. I would buy a lot more from indie publisher websites if it wasn’t so expensive. I am always torn between supporting small presses and using my local library, especially in the current economic climate when council budgets are being cut to the bone. These are some of my favourite indie purchases: Spill Simmer Falter Wither, Chopin in Kentucky, The Nacullians, and The Deconstruction of Professor Thrub.

There’s also the subs I’ve paid to the two Nottingham writing groups I’ve joined, and numerous other online platforms I’ve subscribed to — most recently, New2theScene. Even as I write this I’m thinking, I’m not ‘new’ though, am I? So, is there really any point? Call me a sucker for rejection, but I’m just not ready to throw in the towel yet. Looking back, I do think I ought to have picked one platform and really invested in it. I really hope this is the one!

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All in all, that’s a grand total of 10k, give or take. My ROI? A $50 payment for a short story that was included in the first Christmas Spirits anthology (thanks to Nicole Levine).

The best piece of advice I can give to anyone who, like me, really wants their books to be read by more than a few readers, is this: don’t shell out for an MA (unless it’s publishing specific and with a uni that’s well connected like UEA). What you need is feedback and you can get that by joining an online community or local writing group. If you really want to invest in a course, save yourself a small fortune and sign up for an online version — like the New2theScene workshops.

Good luck!